the long version

the crazy true story of the time I stole the heart of an FBI agent.

I guess I can’t say I haven’t gotten my fair share of wild dating stories (tbt to the pro surfer, the CTO, and the Stanford med student). Sometimes, I feel like a total menace that needs to be kept off the streets. A literal danger to our society and, I guess now, national security.

But this story...this story just seems too unreal to not share. The whole thing was pulled straight out of a movie. And it's so crazy and beautiful and painful but I wanted to share it because it was something real that I experienced and I didn't want to forget.

It all started off with a rose.

Or I guess more accurately a Rose. You know, the feature on Hinge that everybody hates because you can come across as desperate? (Plus — and this is just my experience —most guys who are giving out Roses to grab your attention are not exactly the creme de la creme of dating apps). Regardless, I was mindlessly checking my Hinge when suddenly this photo of a really cute guy who had sent me a Rose appeared on my phone.

He was dressed in a formal wedding suit and flashing a charming smile at the camera. Not only had he given me a Rose, but along with it a sweet and lengthy note — something along the lines of how everything on my profile had made him laugh and he would love to get to know me more. Honestly, it took me by surprise. The effort and genuininess of it all stood out. Suddenly, this cheesy Rose feature seemed like a very romantic gesture and I replied to his message.

We started talking from there. I didn’t know much about him but under Occupation he had listed “I’ll tell you once we start talking!” which definitely meant he was either unemployed…or a founder (both of which are pretty much synonymous around here lol).

Our conversations started off light-hearted and easy. I found out he was born in London, his family was Punjabi, and had a younger brother whom he adored. He would reciprocate my simple questions and respond thoughtfully to my answers. He had a unique way of texting — long paragraphs with full sentences, always in 2 or 3 blocks. So that when I would check my phone later I would basically see whole essays in response.

It was really cute.

Overtime, our conversations became longer and more frequent. We bonded over our commonalities — our October birthdays, boxing classes, our value systems, our favorite quotes and tv shows. How we had bypassed each other’s search radius (he lived an hour drive away). How picky we both are about friends and having a good sense of humor and what it was like to be the “black sheep” of the family. He was so open and honest with his feelings, I had never met anyone so effortlessly confident in who he was and what he was looking for.

One day, I asked him what his work was and he said he had no problem telling me but felt it might be better to discuss in person. My mind immediately went to the worst — this guy was a Facebook moderator or a slaughterhouse worker for sure. But when I checked my phone again, I was surprised to see he had replied.

“I’m a special agent for the FBI.”

My first reaction was laughter. This guy could not be serious. This was definitely a dating app thing this guy was trying to pull to get girls. There was no way a government agent was just perusing apps during his freetime. I was definitely about to get catfished. But then when I thought about our previous conversations, it started to make sense. I glanced down at my phone to see another response from him:

“I know you don’t believe me. That’s why it’s easier to prove in person… haha.”

I asked some easy question — how long have you been doing it, what is it like, (honestly having no idea what to even ask). But he patiently answered each one in a level of detail only someone who really did work for the FBI would know or who really should work for the FBI. After that bandaid was ripped off, he became a lot more transparent about his day in the life, sharing things with me that I won’t divulge in this public post on the Internet.

Suddenly, things became much more serious between us.

Talking to this guy while living the lifestyle, I was living gave me a perspective I had been severly lacking in my bougie tech life. It made me feel grateful toward people like him that face the hard sh*t on the frontlines, so I can stay in my safe little bubble. I remember one of my first questions for him was how would people describe you. He answered “loyal”, “protective” and I see that now. I’d never met someone with such a strong value system or passion for the work that he does.

One afternoon, he texted me that he had gotten off work and had a long commute back home. “Do you mind if I give you a call?” He asked out of the blue. My heart leaped in my chest as this was highly unusual step in the process. But what about this whole interaction had been ordinary from the beginning?

Although I was tired from talking on the phone all day, this last call I agreed to.

My phone rang. “Hello?” I answered, wondering if the sound of my pounding heart could be heard on the other side.

“Hi Katie.”

The lovely sound of his British accent over the phone calmed my nerves immediately. His voice sounded exactly the way his photos looked — confident, intelligent…handsome.

I forgot what we chatted about — facts we learned from podcasts, the cars we drive, something about trips we wanted to take. Once in a while, he would laugh at something I said and it sounded like heaven. He told me how surprised he was that I was able to pronounce his name correctly. He said it sounded nice to him. I said he sounded nice to me too.

Finally, he got a work call and told me he had to go but was now even more excited to see me in person that weekend. Then, he hung up and I remember falling back in my bed, absolutely blown-away by how incredible this guy seemed and maybe it was, in fact, him who was about to get catfished.

The days leading up to the date on Saturday, we texted every day — morning to night. I couldn’t eat or sleep from the constant butterflies in my stomach. Even when I was with my friends, I thought of him. When I was in an Uber on the way to the club, I texted him.

He responded in the same.

Saturday finally came and I thought I would pass out before it came time for dinner. I distracted myself by going to a coffee shop and getting some writing done. Of course, he was not helping — sending me sweet messages on how excited he was to see me. Clearly, he was new to the dating app game and wasn’t as jaded as I was about it all.

8:00pm rolled around and I parked my car by the restaurant. I got out and walked over to the restaurant, taking deep breaths to calm my nerves. Anyone who’s experienced it knows, those initial few minutes when you’re waiting for a first date to show up can be the most nerve-wracking in your lifetime.

I told myself it would be okay if it didn’t work out. I told myself it would be okay if I was disappointed.

“Katie?”

I turned around and saw him standing behind me — the same reassuring smile, handsome features, and intense brown eyes from his photo but far more striking in person. Finally seeing him in real life, after weeks of wondering, melted away the nerves. I knew instantly that it would be okay...more than okay.

Together, we went inside as he jokingly complained about his struggles with finding parking. He excitedly pointed out how nice the place was while the hostess showed us to our table and kindly interacted with the waiter in a way that was both effortless and charming. I removed my coat and took the seat across from him. When I looked up, he was staring back at me. “Wow…” he said, beaming in all of his self-assurance and handsome demeanor. “You’re stunning.”

The spark was lit from there.

We talked about everything — our jobs, our childhoods, our dreams, our favorite foods, crazy nights out, and the people we loved the most. He patiently explained to me how the FBI was organized and the most surprising aspects of his work. We joked about the bathroom soap and dating apps and kept getting so distracted in our conversation that the waiter had to come back several times. He told me what about my profile attracted him and how badly he wanted to make a good impression. “You were the first person I sent a Rose to,” he admitted sheepishly. More than once during the night, he would suddenly stop mid conversation, apologize, and say in his perfect English accent, “Sorry - I just can’t get over how beautiful you are.”

Having dinner with this person was surreal. His determination, life experiences, conversational skills, and intensity of his occupation was like he had just stepped out of a movie. He told me he would smile like an idiot whenever I texted him back. He told me he had already bragged about me to his friends, his squad mates, and his brother. He told me he couldn’t wait for me to meet them.

Suddenly I looked up and the restaurant was empty. The staff probably needed us to leave. I looked back at him and he was staring at me playfully, probably realizing the exact same thing.

“Do you want to go to the Marina?” He asked.

He drove the both of us there, zipping past lights and weaving in and out of traffic in the covert style the Academy taught him to. We passed packed clubs and busy bars while talking, his keen eyes never missing a detail as he conversed. “You’re so easy to talk to. I’ve never been so relaxed with someone before,” he pointed out. I checked his playlist and, of course, we had similar tastes in music. We lucked out and found the only untaken parking spot in the Marina, got out, and walked past the clubs.

“The ideal situation,” I told him, “is to find a cozy bar that we can talk in.” Our prayers were answered as we ducked around drunk people and loud talkers and into a classic bar right next to White Rabbit with plenty of seating. While we waited to be served, he told me about his worst date.

Once I’d gotten my G&T and him an Old Fashioned we sat side by side in a booth. He told me about the time in college he’d gone streaking and I shared my Chinese class story and getting caught at a dorm party on campus. The whole time, he was staring at me, completely engrossed in what I was saying and laughing at my jokes.

I paused mid sentence, distracted by how attractive he was. “You look like you want to kiss me,” I said teasing him slightly.

“I really do,” he replied and leaned forward.

~

I was the very first person he told when he got assigned.

It was a few days later and he called me on the phone while driving back from the office to relay the sudden news. He was to leave that following Monday. Contact would be limited and unpredictable for months on end. He advised me to move on. “I’m so, so sorry. I know this is absolute shit timing.” There was a long pause as we both knew there wasn’t much else to say. “You’re the first person I thought of when I heard, Katie.” He hadn’t even told his family.

I thought about how much joy that voice had given me over the past few days — hearing him talk about his work, express his excitement about us, and the sweet compliments he gave — the very same voice that was, now, delivering the news that broke my heart. How everything had felt like a movie… even up to this very cinematic conclusion.

I hung up the phone and cried.

~

I’ve always wondered — how do we cope with the things that never happen for us? How do we move forward after experiencing something as beautiful as this, pretending as if none of it occurred? How do we take the pieces of it worth keeping and stitch it into a newer, better version of ourselves?

My answer is before you. This is how I process these things. By telling the story. By sharing it with others. Letting them know that, against all odds, this true thing happened to me and I’m so grateful it did. I know it could be a very long time before something even close to this occurs. But I’m glad to know it’s possible. And I’ll be holding out until something like it comes again.

Thanks for reading,
Katie

[This took place almost exactly a year ago in 2021]